In the 2008 movie version of The Women, the leading women are about to have a conversation, and one friend says to the other, “This is in the vault, right?” The meaning of that exchange was that the conversation was to remain private.
By the way, the movie is fantastic. It is an all-female cast, including extra’s, directed by Diane English with an all-star cast of leading ladies. But, I digress.
In the vault. It is a phrase I have used over the years. Well, not anymore.
When I am with my best friend or with my circle of women, who I trust implicitly – in the vault – never needs to be said. There is an unsaid code among us. An honor system. We protect each other. We trust each other. We allow each other to tell our own stories to people.
There have been times I have had conversations and had a hesitation of “Do I trust this person?” and I will say “In the vault.” to ensure they understand the friendship code.
Most of the time, it’s not a blazing hot piece of information. Predominately, it is about myself. And I do not want my business repeated, and yet my gut tells me, this person could. So, like a little girl, it was my version of cross your heart or a pinky swear.
Last fall I got burned badly in an in the vault situation. I, mean, not just burned, I got fucking deep fried in hot grease. I gave an unfiltered opinion on what were already public facts. I knew better. I was pissed. I lost a lifelong best friend and a few women I associated with in a social setting behind it.
The severity of the consequences of those three simple words — in the vault — made me do some deep soul searching and work in therapy. I learned several valuable lessons. Aside, from looking both ways before I cross the street for the karma bus.
Foremost, I did not listen to my inner voice. When a hint of doubt comes about the trustworthiness of someone, that is a blazing red light on my life dashboard to close my lips. You should never ever doubt the security of the words you share.
Second, friendships change. Pay attention to your respect levels and talk honestly to friends. If I feel comfortable discussing a friendship without the respect of talking to them directly, it is like a Kmart blue light special light going off. My respect and feelings about the friendship have changed. Address it directly.
Today I am thankful
- I am excited for a few things happening today.
- I wrapped up my Saturday house cleaning and laundry chores.
- Looking out my window and absorbing the sights of green emerging.
- The smooth jazz music channel on cable is jamming today.
I used to struggle with life lessons and bitch about how hard they are. Now, I am just grateful. As each one comes and goes, I grow, I accommodate, and I move on.
I wish you well. I wish you happiness. I wish you peace.
So, before I go — in the vault — I am partying at the Minnesota Music Cafe tonight. Come join if you are able.
affectionately yours, Laura