There is something to be said about standing alone. I learned this valuable lesson at my father’s funeral. I stood alone as they closed his casket and locked it. While there were people around, no one stepped up to stand next to me. At that moment in time, I stood in front of my Dad alone in his casket and me alone in front of him.
At that moment, I knew, this would be my life going forward unless I changed it. Through my father, I have learned a great deal about being a loner. He had few friends and many acquaintances. I don’t remember him going out with the guys for a few beers or going to a ball game. He was always by himself. He said he preferred it that way.
That was until the final year of his life in hospice. When day after day he was alone with just me for his company. I have been my Dad’s confidant and partner since a small child till several weeks ago when he left me in body but not spirit. He would ask “Where is everyone? Why aren’t they coming to visit, Laur?” “I don’t know, Dad.” Knowing the real answer — You have to be a friend to have a friend. My Dad didn’t nurture relationships.
My Dad left me a final lesson. One about friendships and the need for people in your life. As someone who a parent told her, I didn’t need people, just him. Well, Dad, you’re gone, and now it is just me. Yes, I need people in my life. I will be learning how to make and nurture friendships. The gift of compromise and not walking away. The humbleness of apologizing and asking for forgiveness of wrongs I have done. Friendships I am praying to last a lifetime that is giving and receiving till my dying breath.
Today I am thankful
- After every long night, the morning does come
- Time with one of my favorite people today
- My frog from Jaz who always makes me smile
Ours is a fractured Humpty Dumpty family of complex relationships that can never be put together again. One filled with deceit and waiting eagerly for the payout of Dad’s life insurance policies. I walk away with a clear and calm spirit. Another life lesson from my beloved uncle, a family isn’t always blood, it’s the people who stand by you.
affectionately yours, Laura