It’s a rough time of the year for me.
The anniversary of my brother’s end of life is September 30th, my biological Mom’s is October 18th and my adopted Mama’s is today, October 24th. All people I loved dearly and made significant contributions to the woman I am today. I mourn their absence.
I’ve shared stories about my Dad who is 91 years old. It is no longer a question of “if” it’s a question of “when” as he declines in his ability to manage a quality life of independence. I have been up to my ass in making the demands for his vision of the end of life happen for him. I am slowly letting go of the man he once was.
I carry with me the burden of an illness of which I fight my best battle against, knowing it will be back to claim me. My courage has me in a constant stance of preparedness.
On a day like today when the accumulation of these losses catches up with me, I am feeling overwhelmed with grief. I wonder when the tears will stop falling. Today, they haven’t. I have just given into the emotions and are letting them fall as they may.
Safe in my place of refuge. My home that offers me the security and comfort of what is familiar to me. It is where I will stay, till the tears stop, and I can face the world again.
As I finish this, the tears start streaming down my cheeks again. I beg the question. When do the tears stop, falling? A heavy heart and a worrisome soul I am.
Today I am thankful ..
- Text messages from those I love.
- My grandson turned 15 today.
- I will see people I love this weekend that will offer comfort and support.
No one likes my unhappy blogs. I will get the cheer up emails; the your blogs suck lately. You can’t please everyone all the time. However, I can stay true to myself and write the reality of life no one wants to deal with except me.
affectionately yours, Laura