Gratitude 16Oct14 Forgotten Forgiveness

I keep waiting. I keep hoping. I keep doing what I know is the right thing to do. I keep striving. I buck up, and I stay strong, because when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

It wasn’t until the words were spoken out loud to me, “What you need to hear will never come.” I felt sucker punched. Someone dared to say what I could not. I am waiting for an apology that has become lost in the re-writing of history.

Every day that “I am sorry” is further away. Like a ship that has left port and set sail. I am watching it disappear over the horizon. I metaphorically stand at the shore and bid it farewell. The massive structure once so mighty is rapidly becoming a dot and sailing into the sunset.

I am learning the painful lesson of forgiveness on the most intimate of levels. I stand alone, knowing that no one can do or share this with me. There is no safety plan in place for this experience.

I was told to “Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Not for them but you.” It is a balancing act of letting go of the past without the gift of forgetting. It is working through the memories that rise to the surface daily. It is finding peace within the eye of the hurricane that swirls around me.

Forgiveness is a process. Some days are easier than others. I sit here at my desk and watch the sun rising. The gift of another day. How I use it is my choice. I can stay in the past. I can fantasize about the future.

I am choosing to live in this moment. Sad? Oh, yeah. Scared? No. It’s not my style. I accept my life as it is and like yesterday, today I will do my best and forgive all over again.

Today I am thankful ..

  • The beauty of a sunrise will always cause me to pause in awe
  • My “To Do” list will keep me busy all day
  • The colors of autumn are indescribable. It is my favorite season.

“I let go. I accept my life as it is. I do not judge. I do not dramatize. I let life events come freely, and I welcome lessons they convey. I stop struggling now.”

affectionately yours, Laura

 

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