Here I stand. One hand gesturing to come closer to me and the other hand to step back away from me. I want it all, yet, I settle for nothing. The challenge of trust has me spellbound.
I am a woman who is without fear in almost every area of her life. For those I love, I will go toe-to-toe to defend. I will sacrifice what I need, if someone I love is without. I make the hard choice to be honest when a lie would slip much easier through my lips.
My weakness? Trust. Give it? No. I guard myself tighter than the Situation Room at the White House. I would give the Secret Service a run for their money.
I expose myself to the universe daily on this thing called a blog. In every sentence, a piece of who Laura is, opens like a flower to the sun. The defining factor of this blog is that my choice of words allows me protection.
To open myself without that control of the outcome to vulnerability and hurt is a whole different world. It is a world I sabotage, run from, and pay the high price of aloneness because of my fear.
Trust is hard to define. It is easy to feel. It is either there or it is not. It is that feeling within that despite it all; I am secure in your love. That no matter what happens I know, you have my best interest in your heart.
The ultimate of all is a sum total of the other key emotions rolled into one. Love + Acceptance + Respect = Trust. An equation that has me challenged and as confused as Chinese arithmetic.
It is like asking someone how to get to Sesame Street. Figuratively there must be such a place. Can you really tell me how to get there? No.
Taking the risk of trust, as with all the journeys of my life lessons; I will stumble and fall. I will pick myself up and try again. It is my way.
Today I am thankful for ..
- The two people in my life I trust with all of me.
- A writing day. As I often say “Ass deep in words.”
- I am making my Dad a pot roast dinner. (I might be writing about food poisoning tomorrow.)
“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” ~ William Shakespeare ~
affectionately yours, Laura