Gratitude 30Sept14 Belief in Self

A belief system is a lifetime of influences and experiences. Every person has a belief system by which they live their lives and make life-affecting decisions. Therefore, belief system is crucial because it is at the core of your self-worth.

via Pinterest.com/Wild Sisterhood

via Pinterest.com/Wild Sisterhood

What you believe yourself to be; you will see in the mirror. When one begins to compromise their belief system to accommodate something or someone; it is a corrosion of self. That lack of self will show in the way you live your life and the choices you make.

All of us at different periods in our life will hit the wall of analysis of what is our personal belief system.

Often the death of someone close will bring home the reality that life does end. Within our belief system are our innermost thoughts and beliefs of what happens to our being after our life journey ends. It can cause one to question how they are living their life and if they are living it fully without regrets.

A divorce, a death of sorts, puts you in a new life situation for the reevaluation of your individual identity and belief system apart from being a couple. What was once a “we” is now an “I” and with that comes a new self defining and understanding of who you are.

Mutual friends of mine, all in our mid 50’s, include in our conversations how our bodies are changing as we embrace this new season of our lives. With it, our belief systems adjust as well. We are facing different choices and looking at life with a deeper perspective. We no  longer have the luxury of youth on our side.

The gift of life is a constant evolving and growth of self. As we gather life lessons and gain knowledge, we solidify our belief system. That, in and of itself, empowers who we are, what we believe and how we define our boundaries. That confidence in self will never fail you.

Today I am Thankful ..

  • Season 4 of Scandal is on and popping
  • My new living room chair is a welcome addition
  • With great regret, I have put away my remaining summer clothes

“There is only one you for all time.
fearlessly be yourself.” Anthony Rapp

affectionately yours, Laura

#gratefulsurvivor #warrioragainstdarkness

Gratitude 29Sept14 The Princess and Her Tractor

Today I am thankful ..

  • Bravely I follow my heart into the unknown with no promises
  • It’s a writing day. Ass deep in words.
  • The world is asleep outside my window. Calm and Serene.

affectionately yours, Laura 

When I was little, I would ride on the back of my Dad’s tractor in a big barrel filled with sand. Dad said the sand was there to balance the tractor when he was lifting heavy loads.

I thought the barrel had only one purpose, and that was for me to ride in it. It became the throne from which I ruled my kingdom. I was my Dad’s princess. He even told me so.

reload 12DeC2011 147 My most vivid memories center around the last house my Dad built. It was the house that was in the process of the foundation being laid when my parents divorced. The house, like their marriage and our family, the foundation was never completed

I believe I spent most of my fifth year in that barrel with my Dad on that tractor.

I was such a little girl, that barrel seemed so big to me. Not only was it large in diameter, it was high off the ground. I would pretend I was a princess looking down on the world from far up above.

It was always a thrill when Dad would have to drive somewhere, and I could wave to all the people on the sidewalk and in their cars. I would try my hardest to wave like the princesses I had seen in parades.

During the summer, sunburned I would dig down into the barrel when the top of the sand got too hot.”Princesses don’t get hot. When the going gets tough, the tough get going” Dad said. So I would not complain. Instead, I would keep busy covering myself with sand, building sand castles, and other endless creations to keep my mind busy.

Sometimes I would just curl up in the barrel and watch the clouds float by above me. I would look for shapes in the big white billowing masses and makeup stories. Anything to take my mind off the heat and thirst or hunger.

I’ll never forget one time I couldn’t wait any longer to go to the bathroom, and I wet my pants. I was very afraid to tell my Dad. Once he started the job; he didn’t like to stop. “Princesses can hold their potty,” he told me. “Just a little while longer, you can do it.” I was sure that up in the sky those clouds that day spelled out “Laura wet her pants.” for all to see. How very un-princess like of me.

Much of my time in that barrel I fantasized about what I wanted and things I was going to do. One of the things I wanted to do was play in the dense woods that were behind the new house. I wasn’t allowed to go in there, so I admired it from afar. It was vivid green with paths that I was sure one could wander on to hide away.

© 2014 llpeltier All Rights Reserved

© 2014 llpeltier All Rights Reserved

I imagined myself climbing one of the huge trees whose branches stretched out like loving arms. I wanted desperately to snuggle in one of its limbs to sleep with no fear. I envisioned myself swinging from tree to tree Tarzan style. I, of course, would be Jane princess of the forest.

One of the things I really wanted was a tree house high above the ground complete with a balcony and a sandbox underneath. The tree house had to be pink with white trim and have a flower box for pansies under the windows. A perfect domain for a princess I thought.

Dad kept promising I would have one. He said he’d love to see his princess have one. But every time we planned it, he said my Mom would make him so mad that he couldn’t think straight to build it. That dream never died, I finally got my tree house, but I let my daughter think it was hers.

Even with my Dad sitting inches from me, we didn’t exactly communicate. Dad didn’t talk to me but at me. I heard all his troubles with my Mom, other women in his life and work. His frustrations with life and the dreams he had that would never come true as a brewery worker.

I didn’t understand it then. I saw my Dad as my idol. He was tanned, handsome and muscular. I felt his pain and kept his words close to my heart. I kept his secrets. Like a good princess, I was loyal to my Dad. After all, Dad said “It’s just you and me. We don’t need anyone else.”

My memories come back to haunt me on nights like tonight. When uninvited they have me going back in time. Even using all of my lessons in my life tool kit, calm and peace won’t come. I wait for my medication to ease me into a restless slumber.

© 2014 llpeltier All Rights Reserved **original draft written 2May1992

Gratitude 25Sept14 Thigh High Tales

via ebay.com

via ebay.com

When my Mom ended her life journey, I was instrumental in packing up her things. One of my favorite and most treasured surprises I discovered was in the bottom of her lingerie drawer. There tucked away was a stash of silk thigh high stockings.

Not the elastic at the top thigh highs, but the real deal old school silk thigh highs that are held up by garter belts. There were several pairs with lines up the back,  and colors of various sheer nudes and black.

In addition, she had several sets of sexy lace garter belts and underwear sets tucked away, too. At the time, they were too small for me, but I might retrieve those from storage and see if they don’t fit now! Over the years I have worn them on special occasions, saving one pair as a precious memento of Mom.

Since that discovery, I have been hooked on thigh highs. I like the way they feel without the confines of pantyhose. I enjoy the knowledge that even if only I am privy to the view, it makes me feel sexy. I don’t always go the whole garter belt route.

My Auntie shared some stories about her and my Mom in their youth One involved being quite inebriated and crawling up some stairs. I am sure Mom would have preferred those adventures had remained secret. I treasure each and every one of those tales of adventures and often recalled them from memory with laughter.

She blessed me with the shape of her legs, and I now also know where I get my sensual gene. Thank you, Mom! The fantasy of a pair of lace panties and silk stockings is a powerful aphrodisiac.

© 2014 llpeltier All Rights Reserved May not be used for any purpose without the express written consent of Laura L Peltier

© 2014 llpeltier All Rights Reserved May not be used for any purpose without the express written consent of Laura L Peltier

Tonight while packing for a weekend trip, I tossed a pair of my thigh highs onto my “to take” pile, I smiled to myself thinking of my Mom. It makes me love and miss her all the more with a deep respect for her thinking, “A lady never kisses and tells.” That is until she is getting naked.

Today I am thankful ..

  • I am anticipating a weekend away.
  • My baby girl will be home soon for a visit.
  • A Santi day is always a good day.

Never assume you know someone’s story by their appearance. Always be willing to pay it forward by the message of your heart not the vision of your eyes.

affectionately yours, Laura

Gratitude 24Sept14 Bragging Rights — 29 to 22

Today I accomplished a huge goal for myself!

© 2013 llpeltier All Rights Reserved

© 2013 llpeltier All Rights Reserved

The 23rd of March 2013 I got on my Wii Fit and weighed in at 152 pounds with a 29.23 body mass index (BMI). The Wii Fit scale for a five foot tall woman zipped to the “obesely overweight” zone with a Wii Fit age of 79 years old.

I made up my mind at that moment; I was going to change. I couldn’t look into the mirror. My image was affecting all aspects of who I was. To soothe myself, I would grab comfort food and park my ass at my computer.

I started writing down everything I was eating. What a shock that was! I began to focus on what I was consuming. I added in extra activities on my Wii Fit. I was too embarrassed to go to the gym.

I bundled up and got my ass out and started walking every day. I still remember feeling out of breath after one block and staggering back to my apartment. I live in a town of hills. Going down was fun, going back up that bitch sucked.

My routine stayed steady on watching what I ate, portion size, my Wii Fit, and walking. I allow myself a day a week to eat what I wanted. If I craved something like salt or chocolate, I ate a small portion it to get the yearning out of my system.

© 2014 llpeltier All Rights Reserved

© 2014 llpeltier All Rights Reserved *excuse scars and white belly 🙂

From the 23rd of March 2013 to the 24th of September 2014, my life has changed. I am claiming bragging rights. BIG. TIME. This morning I hit 118 pounds with a 22.89 BMI. I like what I see in the mirror.

Cover your eyes all of you who get upset with my fluent swearing .. UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE! I am going to put on my Women Rock It playlist and dance around like a wild woman!

Today I am thankful for ..

  • I finally got a good night of sleep
  • My “Princess” resume is “cocked, locked, and ready to rock” for sendoff
  • My desk. It is my comfort zone. My world is centered here.

If I can do it, so can you. My life lesson learned is .. It’s not about taking it all on at once. It’s little by little. I must admit, today being my “off” day, you will find me at Angelou’s tonight eating a pizza and at the Dairy Queen after!

affectionately yours, Laura