I believe everyone has someone in their life that is a passive-aggressive person. The friend that is so pissed off that smoke is coming out of their ears and they are so red it looks like their head is going to explode. Yet, they will smile at you and say “Oh, I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong.” Or the friend that goes from the Shirley Temple sweet little voice and batting their big eyes to the Incredible Hunk. Leaving you wondering “What the hell just happened?”
The DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) aka the Mental Disorder Bible, states “passive-aggressive personality disorder is often overtly ambivalent, wavering decisively from one course of action to its opposite. They may follow an erratic path that causes endless wrangles with others and disappointment for themselves.” It is often a learned behavior and used to get in a round-about-way what the person really wants. In other words, the behavior, to be successful, has to have an enabler. Someone who will buy into the hype and play the game.
Sadly, there are no winners in this relationship. An exchange like this may sound familiar “Where do you want to go eat?” “Oh, where ever you want is fine.” “Good, let’s go get spaghetti.” “Oh, no. I’m not really in the mood for spaghetti.” And the guessing game is on. There are many forms of passive-aggressive behaviors. A few are — sarcasm, hidden revenge, withholding intimacy, talking behind someone’s back, the silent treatment (I plead the 5th to this), and intentional sabotage.
What is true is .. healthy people say what they mean and mean what they say. There is no hidden agenda or rules of game to follow. It is straight forward and for all involved, a much happier successful relationship.
Today I am thankful for ..
- Every day I learn something new
- My “hard” calls I had to make are done .. whew
- I love my new holiday light-up tree — thank you, Kathy!
The most rewarding and the hardest thing we maintain in our lives are the relationships that bound us to each other. Often, we take them for granted. We forget like anything of value they must be nurtured to grow.
Take a moment and tell someone how much they mean to you. No one can ever hear “I love you” “I value you” enough. With that I will end with .. To each of you reading this, I am very grateful for having you in my world.
affectionately yours, Laura