Sometimes I feel like if I opened a psychology text book, under the listing dysfunctional families, I would see our family portrait there. At least, one of the rare ones of all of us in attendance. It is a heart breaking situation to say the least. Many therapy sessions have been devoted to the topic of my siblings and my relationships. Taking responsibility for my choices and the elephant in the room of my mental illness, add to the drama. Our family is a complex twist of life situations none of us as children really had any control over. I have long come to terms with forgiveness of my parents — as a parent I quickly learned you do the best with what you know and have at the time. Hind sight is always more telling.
I break it down to this for biological siblings. We all are created, nurtured and emerge from the same woman’s womb. The difference comes with each ova and sperm that come together to begin a cluster of cells that make a person so uniquely different. Add to that, the order in which you were born, the circumstances you were born into, and the environment that you base your perception on. There you have the perfect storm to either bring you together or tear you apart. Time has allowed me the blessing of perspective. I have not always been in the place of peace I am in now. That, and like grief, forgiveness comes in waves.
I have read much about to forgive isn’t about the other person; it is about you. You drink the poison of bitter resentment and expect the other person to suffer with you. It doesn’t work like that. This I know and have experienced first hand. The other people go about living their lives and the poison sits in your belly. Ignoring, avoiding, adjusting your happiness for the sake of retribution is for not. I have been doing a great deal of reading on the topic of siblings divorcing themselves from one another. Sadly, our family is not an isolated incident. The web site http://www.enotalone.com proclaimed this. To which all I can respond is “Wow.”
“If you are among the millions of Americans struggling to get love right, the odds are you came from a dysfunctional family. In fact, in the United States today, more people come from dysfunctional families than healthy families. It is estimated that approximately 70 to 80 percent come from dysfunctional families. Consequently, being normal in the United States today has very little to do with being emotionally healthy.”
I recently read that you know when you can think of a person and wish them well that you have truly forgiven and are at peace. To all of my siblings .. I love you. I pray for your peace of mind, well being and success, always.
Today I am thankful for ..
- I made my first skinny banana split smoothie this morning and it was delicious
- I finished my paperwork and calls!
- It is another beautiful day out
- My total steps for the month of April was 102,843 .. it’s my number to beat in May
I don’t know what your family situation is. What I do know for a fact is; life is too short to live it without those you love. A while ago I wrote a blog about regrets. In it I asked, are we really that different that we can’t love and accept each other with all our strengths and weaknesses? As I get older I am more aware of the reality that life will come to an end for all of us. I think of my mother and brother who’s life journeys have ended. It’s a hard reality to miss them and those of my family still living. I often write on my Facebook wall “Love into the universe to those I love and miss so very much.” Maybe wombs do matter.
affectionately yours, Laura