gratitude 31march14 what i am — a survivor

i woke in darkness this morning. as i struggled to the surface, i forced myself to say my current mantra “all is well in my life.” this time i didn’t get that tsunami feeling when the water is pulled out to sea. when i get the sensation that something isn’t quite right in my world. i am in the moment when the wall of the tidal wave comes inland.

until i am out of the darkness, any further posts will be on my warrior of the darkness page. i look at my wrist and remind myself of who and what i am — a survivor.

via pinterest

via pinterest

today i am thankful for ..

  • my life with all of the good and bad
  • holding myself accountable and writing
  • those that love and support me
  • knowing this too will end

affectionately yours, Laura

gratitude 28march14 the power of perception

“Humans see what they want to see.”
 Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

i recently had a lengthy conversation about the power of perception vs reality. one side could be argued that fact was fact. bottom line 2+2 will always equal four. a square will always have 4 sides. what can be scientifically proven is reality. there is no other way to perceive life in any other manner. the other side is that if you are told something long enough that will become your reality even with scientific proof. with each culture, there are different beliefs and perceptions of what is their reality. our perception is based on what we are comfortable with — it becomes our reality.

via google

via google

i recently have become interested in the concept of metaphysics. metaphysics as defined on google as “the branch of philosophy that deals with the first principles of things, including abstract concepts such as being, knowing, substance, cause, identity, time, and space.” i have been reading a book called E Squared by Pam Grout. her thesis is that everything is made of energy. what we believe as fact comes from our perception of how we view the world in relation to what is familiar to us. we become accustom to what we like. we are attracted to only that which is pleasing to us. while that sounds all comfortable and secure, Grout argues it keeps us from looking outside our comfort zone at new and different experiences. thus, our reality is just perception of how we want to view the world.

Grout’s book is composed of 9 experiments to challenge an individual to look at what is not familiar. one of the first experiments is to pick a strange color of car that you rarely see. i picked bright yellow and got my grandson Santi involved with it, too. the experiments are designed to be in 48 hour segments. so, for 48 hours we tallied how many bright yellow cars we saw. i was amazed of when i became aware and looking for them how many bright yellow cars we have seen. another experiment i did out of curiosity was how many times i saw license plates with 3 of the same numbers. again, i was surprised to find them.

another perception vs reality is often color itself. if you were to look at a pink shirt and ask someone what color is that? you might get every color from rose, pink, coral or what that person’s perception is. take a picture of an ocean and ask another what do you see? what color is the water? again, the reality will be very different from perception. it’s a fascinating topic of conversation. one of my latest goals ~ talk about ideas, things, and concepts. if you get the chance, check out the book.

today i am thankful for ..

  • i am getting my day started very early .. too early
  • i have been so grateful for time with friends this week
  • i feel myself growing outside of my comfort zone and am going with the flow
  • being guided by my inner feelings, not doubting myself is a comfort

 

via facebook/fascinating places

via facebook/fascinating places

wishing everyone a restful and relaxing weekend. be kind to yourself.

affectionately yours, Laura

gratitude 27march14 oh, man

there is nothing more frustrating than having your back up against the wall. what’s that saying? “women are like tea. you never know how strong they are until she gets in hot water.” something like that. it would seem my back is up against the wall in several areas of my life right now. one, being health. which sucks. i knew i wasn’t feeling well. however, at 57, you give yourself a bit of room for moving a houshold, not eating right, and not doing your regular cardio. yet, oh, man, it’s time to get down to business again. yes, i am whining and shaking my fist into the universe saying “kidneys suck!” with that out of the way, there is much to be grateful for.

today i am thankful for ..

  • it’s suppose to be in the 40’s today and maybe rain. nothing like a good rain to wash away the winter dirt and freshen the air
  • i get to spend time with a friend i really like
  • they are almost done with the work in my bathroom
  • i can almost see my ankles today 🙂 lol

today i am listening to “i’m getting stoned” by eric church

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sending love into the universe to those i miss so much. pay it forward today. at sometime you will encounter someone who needs a smile, a door opened or pay for the cup of coffee for the person in the line behind you.

affectionately yours, Laura

 

gratitude 26march14 bon jour!

“i often daydream that my life is just as it is now … only i have well-behaved hair and i live in paris”

 

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today i am thankful for …

  • my morning cup of coffee tastes extra good
  • my paperwork pile has dwindled from massive to manageable
  • i don’t have anything i have to do today
  • a santi day — is always a good day

affectionately yours, Laura

gratitiude 25march14 minnesota love

yesterday i opened my blinds to the view of snow falling. honestly, my first thought was “what the fuck?” it was officially spring as of several days ago. determined to keep up with my efforts to increase my step count back to 10,000 a day again, i bundled up and headed out into the snow. as i walked my thoughts went from “how did i lose my healthy routine so quickly?” with my move and the eating of fast food on the run, let’s just say the folks at mcdonalds now say “hey, laura! same order today?” you get my drift. however i digress. i am in my new home and struggling back to my routine of healthy eating, exercise and daily writing.

one of my next thoughts was “why do i live here and subject myself to this weather?” memories came back and i am reminded that there have been times in my life i have lived on both coasts and inbetween.  each time, i chose to head home to minnesota. yes, it’s snowing and the breeze off the river on my walking trail was causing concern for frost bite on my cheeks. i remind myself under this snow is spring waiting to greet us. the wonderful rain that washes away the winter dirt, the sighting of the first robin and tulip of the year. that in turn gives way to summertime and the sunshine, picnics and lazy evening breezes. the beauty of brilliant colored leaves in flaming red, orange and gold leaves will announce the arrival of fall. the smell of campfires, crisp air, football and hoodies. and yes, at some point we will again be beginning to pray for a white christmas. the minnesota weather cycle predictably continues.

it’s what i love about this state. the changing of seasons. i agree living in a paradise of a warm winter is amazing. yet, even that daily sunshine burns if you get too much. no matter how perfect, eventually one day rolls into another of the same. i like the change despite my occasional bitching about snow and mosquitos. i looked around as i walked the trail along the mississippi river that has become my route. even though i couldn’t feel my cheeks as i smiled, i watched a plane heading into land at the st paul airport, a family of geese waddling along one after another, greeted a fellow walker and his dog. i felt even happier knowing we are one day closer to spring. i did however take a selfie picture as a reality check for any complaining this summer — my aviators are frozen — priceless!

today i am thankful for ..

  • lou, jaz, santi and lucy
  • my sadie lady the III, lily of the valley, is beginning to sprout wonderful green pips
  • i found my Wii Fit .. of all things to lose in my move! what a relief to find it
  • forgiveness .. i am trying to give up swearing fluently for lent. i’ll be going to confession saturday afternoon, damn it. i mean .. darn it ..

today i am listening to an eclectic 57 song playlist on my ipod nano i have titled 57 & amazing ..

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via-pinterest-peggy-osterman-inspirational.jpg?w=470

my meditation today is for the survivors of flight 370 and the mud slide in seattle. may all affected find their way to acceptance and peace. i offer up light, love and prayers for their healing.

affectionately yours, Laura

Gratitude 24March14 Survivor

© 2012 llpeltier All Rights Reserved

© 2012 llpeltier All Rights Reserved

While unpacking a box yesterday, I came across a worn and tattered yellow legal pad. In my large bold half printed, half cursive writing written across the top of the page were the words “Survivor of the Darkness” underlined multiple times. The date was September 2012. Under it I had created a wish list outline for spiritual, mental, body and a bucket list of what I wanted to accomplish yet in my life. Under each heading, I listed my dreams and goals in great detail. All directed to the result of what I felt I would need to do to make myself a survivor and achieve what seemed the unattainable at that time.

Today, in church I smiled to myself at what a difference that woman back in 2012 is from the one I am today in 2014. I have incorporated all my goals for my spiritual growth into my life. It didn’t happen easy or overnight. It started with a daily list of gratitude; giving thanks for what was good in my life. It went on to meditation, yoga, and a renewed relationship with God. Even though at times I feel like my prayers are more apologizing than prayer. “Oops, damn. Sorry about my language” or “Sorry about those bad thoughts.”

I began to practice paying it forward and the universe began to return the gifts to me. I made the cognitive decision to heal and forgive the pain of the past. That is a process, like grief, it comes in waves and I forgive again. I am coming to the point where when I think of people who hurt me, I wish them well and send them love into the universe. I often tease about the karma bus running my ass over if my attitude begins to back slide. It isn’t always easy. Some day’s I am on the “crazy train” without realizing it. It’s all a work in progress daily. However, here I still am, beating the odds, a survivor.

Today I am thankful ..

  • Renewed contact with several family members
  • Slowly everything is finding a spot in my new home
  • Inside of me is a knowing that all is well in my world
  • Every day I wake up and look down at my arm where the word survivor is. It reminds me of who and what I am.

All that I am is a result of what I was. With that in mind, I am much kinder to myself and more forgiving. In turn, it makes me more forgiving of others. after all, we can only do the best we can with the knowledge we have at that time. I wish you the same, be kind to yourself.

affectionately yours, Laura

Gratitude 22March14 one day only regrets ..

one day we will question were all the missed memories and moments away from each other really worth it? where the differences between us so far apart that we couldn’t find a compromise? were our life style choices such we could not accept each other for who we are as individuals? each day passes and it can not be relived. the choices we make about each other, we carry into our life time.

one day just passed. another 24 hours that were a missed opportunity to love, learn, support and appreciate one another. no matter how deep the valley, a bridge can be built. no matter how big the challenge, where there is love, there is a way. within me is a connection to you. it takes energy to deny that with every look in the mirror, every memory and incompleteness within. the emotional force that justifies the need to separate for the best of all — initially it made sense — now it seems a way of avoidance and cowardice.

one day, many days ago, saying you are not worth the fight no longer made sense. i could not disrespect you in such a manner. the aching of my heart confirmed and i told myself it is all worth the fight. the fight to say i love you for who you are, i accept you for who you are, i respect you without judgement. it is worth the negotiation to find respectful boundaries. it is taking a stand of i love you beyond anything you could possibly have done in the past or will do in the future. you are worth the time and effort to have a relationship with you. i love you. i like you. i respect you. i admire you. i am proud of you.

one day it will be too late. as each day becomes another day and another and another. there will come a time when one of us will end our life journey, so it is with life. there is no rewind or repeat. i go to sleep meditating and praying sending into the universe the deepest of my desire for those i love and miss so very much. and i wonder how painful will it be when the time comes that we say ..  “if wishes came true ~ i would have, i wish i could have, i should have” sadly, we will be left with only regrets.

my fadora

affectionately yours, Laura