gratitude 26february14 bullshit

i have talked a lot of bullshit in my lifetime. people who keep secrets, aren’t happy with who they are or just don’t know who they are, tend to do that. that was me. i know i have written in the past about the whole “small minds talk about people, great minds talk ideas” concept. i compensated for what i perceived was a lack within myself with hype to make myself seem better. i have shared before, a big jump for me was to stopping saying and doing things to gain love and acceptance. for those who know me well, if i can be silent with you, feel no need to fill the silence with “words” you have entered my space i have allowed to few. many times i leave a situation and think “i should have just “hushed.” (granny always said “don’t say shut up, say hush.”)

via pinterest.com

do no harm via pinterest.com

part of my self discovery is the comfort of knowing i don’t have to talk bullshit anymore. i stand on my own. i don’t feel i need to “make-up” hype to fill in my spaces. i am who i am. kind of like the whole popeye thing, you know? i have recently reconnected with people i thought would never like me or accept me — for me. my depression is such that i don’t have a whole lot of emotional energy to waste on people who don’t like me. i have been comforted by the acceptance, by just being me. slowly sharing who i am. peeling back the layers of my past that i feared if revealed would be held against me. to be accepted as the woman i am now, what the sum total of my past experiences have made me. wow. priceless.

that saying “it takes one to know one?” well, i know bullshit and if i choose, will engage in it for a short period of time. i am finding more and more i walk away thinking “how sad, i wish them well.” and hope like hell their stink doesn’t stay on me too long. the saddest thing, the more self discovery that is revealed to me, the more i understand why people have had to leave my life. and for that i pray every night for forgiveness and the healing of the harm i caused.

today i am thankful for ..

  • forgiveness and healing of one’s spirit
  • i got to have lunch with my best friend
  • one more day till a new scandal episode!

more below zero weather heading our way, stay warm and safe minnesnowta!

affectionately yours, Laura

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