it is the middle of the night. all is calm and quiet. i feel a sense of peace within. yet, my mind isn’t ready to call it a day. as i often do when i need to soothe myself, i count five things of each of my senses. it is a one of the many skills and lessons i keep in my “life tool box” i have gathered over the years. one of the many tools to ease my mine into slumber.
i look around me at the simple things that give me the greatest pleasure. pictures of my grandbabies. a brass cross from my godson. a crystal lily of the valley bowl that was my mom’s that is now filled with childhood gifts from my children, rocks from my travels, crystals. an aged picture of my granny and i. my ever present bottle of smartwater.
i inhale and the smell of my lavender vanilla body cream i use greets me. the scent of freshly washed sheets. the comforting smell of me on my blanket i go no where without. i can smell my pink champange hand soap as i cover my yawning mouth. the faint smell of warm sugar vanilla room freshner.
i hear nayanna holley softly singing the lyrics to “let it be” she sings “listen, i’ve got something to say, i’m not afraid anymore.” the hum of my laptop fan that is a constant white soothing noise for me. the sound of the wind against the window is a reminder of the storm that is paralyzing my city. the shuffle of my sheets as i snuggle deeper into bed..the sutle noises of a house in slumber.
i run my fingers through my hair and feel the soft texture and varied lengths. my body is warm and feels limber as i stretch out and settle further into my comfort. i am aware of the feel of my keyboard as my fingers slide across typing myself into the calm place i long for. my fresh sheets feel soft and smooth against my bare skin. my finale nightly routine of sliding off my socks is now complete. i am feeling the heaviness of my body ready for slumber.
the taste of mint from flossing my teeth is still there. my peanit butter granola bar i eat with my last medications of my day are on my taste buds. the bitter taste of the medication is a reminder of the reality i live with. even the crisp taste of my smartwater i just swallowed doesn’t take that away. my final swipe of lip balm of the day has a hint of honey.
and once again, my lesson from my “life tool box” has not failed me. i am ready for slumber and like the sun gives over it’s watch to the moon every night, it is my time to let my mind heal myself in sleep.
today i am thankful for ..
- every day brings gifts into my life
- i have come to believe in .. not hope for
- i am a grateful survivor, even my worst day i have bravely continued my fight.
wishing you sweet dreams, night, world.
affectionately yours, Laura