“no one will ever know the strength of my love for you. after all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.”
another one of my friends mother died recently. as with my other friends, my heart weeps with her. you can lose other people in your life. yet, there is no death that will ever compare to that of your mother. the woman whose body provided a womb in which you began life and pushed you into the world. the woman who gave you nourishment and many of your very firsts of everything in life, to witness the end their life journey, is something you never forget or get over. the quote i led this blog with is one i often think of with my own children. and so it is with a mother and her child.
my mom and i had a contentious relationship at best for most of my life. in her final six weeks of life, we found our way through the maze of questions and answers to the hard issues we needed to resolve. we made peace with one another. in many ways for me, it was our final and ultimate gift to one another — honestly, simple raw honesty. we did that delicate dance that mothers and daughters often do. the line when daughter becomes mother and mother becomes the daughter to be cared for. i found myself most content caring for her evening needs. our routine of washing her up, reading helen steiner rice to her until her medications eased her into slumber. the moments of looking at her sleeping stay imprinted in my memory. those moments i knew would have to last the rest of my lifetime.
and with every friend who loses their mother, i relive a moment of losing mine again. there simple is no word, phrase or physical manifestation that can adequately express the process of coping with the loss. we all find our way through the grieving. there is a book i often read during times such as this called “tear soup; a recipe for healing” by pat schwiebert. i read it today while at barnes & noble (mine is packed) and my comfort was found in its pages. the book is about the tears you shed being made into soup. memories add the spice to the soup, other family and friends add their own flavors to your soup. your soup is never finished, you take it out and season it now and then. just as i did today. i took my soup out, added a few tears, some seasoning and put it back on the shelf till i take it down again.
today i am thankful for ..
- the two women in my life i called mom and momma
- my pink tulips from kathy
- my coffee tastes extra good this morning
- struggling to feel the calm within, again
today i am listening to .. ordinary people cd by john legend
we are promised two things in life. we are born and we will die. what we do with the “in between” is what makes us who we are. pay it forward today to a woman who makes your world a better place and you a better woman.
affectionately yours, Laura