i am rather amazed at my ability to meditate. it has taken me many months to achieve those few valued minutes that my mind goes quiet and i feel a sense of peace flow over me. in those precious minutes; i feel empowered. i focus on my breathing — breathing in light, love, positive and exhaling the dark, doubt, and fear. i repeat that pattern and those words. the inhale and exhale is soothing, the words calm and a part of me.
deep within i feel the healing of my spirit. it’s like peeling back the layers of an onion and the tears that come with that process. sometimes for no reason i have a good cry at the end of my meditation time. initially i tried to stifle that urge. in time i let the tears flow as they would demand. kind of like that saying “tears are the result of too much pressure on your heart.” over the years i now realize i never allowed a true healing of my hurt. i never allowed a complete forgiveness to take hold. i allowed a scab to form but i would continue to pick at it, leaving that wound open and raw. i believe you have to find that place that you say “no” to picking at the scabs. you have to allow the time it takes for a complete healing. i once wrote a writing called “rolling in shattered glass.” unknowing to myself at the time — it was an expression of my need to heal and not knowing how.
today i used my meditation time to focus on forgiveness. to not forgive is a horrible prison to lock yourself in. to forgive is to no longer give another that negative control in your life. forgiveness places you in a position of power. it keeps you centered. i meditate the feelings of anger and hurt into feelings of empathy and healing. as i write this i continue to keep in my mind that slow and deep rhythm of breathing. bringing the positive into me and the negative away.
today i am thankful for ..
- the wonderful pleasures of a fireplace, internet, cable and heat
- the beauty of a clear blue sky
- my family and friends .. my heartbeats
my body may be shoveling and digging out my car from another snowfall, however, my mind is here ..
affectionately yours, Laura