After my shower this morning and seeing myself naked in the mirror. It occurred to me there is something wonderful about losing weight. Aside from the fitting in that lower size, not huffing and puffing when moving around, just the overall feeling better. It takes away the anticipation of seeing my medical team and the lectures. Most important, it is that looking in the mirror and seeing yourself and thinking “Hello, old friend. I have missed you.”
It is looking at my body and feeling good and loving towards myself. Not the old pattern of thinking or wishing I did not look the way I did. I am embracing myself. I like my curves and contours of my body; even the sagging from my loss I have made peace with. I like how my body has changed as I have aged. my gray hair (everywhere!), the gentle droop of my breasts, the widening of my hips, the softer texture of my skin that glows. I have had many surgeries over the years and used to think of my scars negatively. Now, I just slide my fingers over them and think how grateful I am that those scars represent what I went through to get healthy. I am not so fond of the whole dimples on my ass and thighs though.
It is the feeling that all of the hard work is paying off and my body is rewarding me with this new and improved image. Since last September I have been focusing on what I eat in terms of size proportion. My friend often teases me because I eat my meals in a bowl. I eat less that way. I haven’t been dieting, really. If I crave something, I eat it in moderation to satisfy that yearning. What I have been consistently doing is walking, yoga, meditating and working on the “inside” me. I am beginning to understand the image I see in my mirror is more about mental than the actual reality of the image. When we feel good inside, we relate it to how we look on the outside.
Last April, I got brave and sent a picture of myself in a bikini to one of my besties. Kind of a hold myself accountable to change picture. The term apple bottom had a picture of me next to it in the dictionary! At that time i weighed in at 152 with a 29.+ body mass index rating. I am going to get brave and take another this April and put them side by side. Then i’ll probably reward myself with a pizza and bag of Brookstone dark chocolates! So much for moderation.
Today I am thankful for ..
- Waking up this morning happy and filled with gratitude
- An Uno tournament with Santi
- My massive pile of paperwork is dwindling down slowly
- The comfort of making a decision
Today i am wishing you the honesty of your true beauty when you look in the mirror, inside and out.
affectionately yours, Laura